Large doses of certain elements predict a healthy and successful relationship. They are: positive regard, high standards, healthy conflict, balance of power and positive attitudes.

If you are curious about how your relationship measures up, take the following short assessment. How much do these statements describe your relationship? Rank each on a 1 – 10 scale, where 1 does not describe your relationship and 10 accurately describes your relationship.

1. We genuinely appreciate one another, holding each other in the highest regard.
2. We have high standards for each other and do not tolerate hurtful words or behaviors. We both feel completely safe with each other.
3. When we have conflict, we respect each other. We work towards a resolution that satisfies both of us. Conflicts are not recycled in the next fight. No one is right and no one is wrong.
4. We maintain a balance of power.
5. We consistently have positive attitudes.

If you scored 40 or more, congratulations on nurturing your healthy relationship.

If you scored 25 to 40, you have established a good foundation. You can increase your satisfaction by making a commitment to each other. Find helpful resources, or hire a professional. Do what is necessary to take your relationship to the next level of satisfaction.

If you scored at or below 25, chances are you are not satisfied with your relationship and that is curbing your happiness. In fact, it may even be spilling over into other parts of your life. There is hope IF both of you are genuinely interested and committed to making a change. The lower your score, the more important it is you seek an outside party, a relationship coach, to coach you through your challenges.

Take the challenge:

This is an excellent place to compare your scores and have a conversation with your partner. Were your scores similar? Ask each other how you determined your scores. What were the surprises?  This is a great time to express genuine appreciation for one another.

Think of relationships as having an emotional savings account. Building regard and positivity increases the account. What specifically would constitute a deposit in your relationship? Choose one score and make a commitment to each other to create an action plan designed to raise both of your levels of satisfaction in that area.

If your score is unsatisfactory and/or your partner is unwilling to participate in creating positive change, please get outside support for yourself. You are worth it.

 (c)2010 Maren Beckman Inc. All rights reserved.