Confused by the grief and chaos of a divorce?

Feeling stuck in a relationship that isn’t working?

Paralyzed and overwhelmed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you will benefit from a life transitions coaching program. My clients tell me they experience immediate relief and gain long-term tools and skills that help them in any life transition they may face.

Maybe you are in a new relationship or in the middle of the challenging process of blending two families. Or, perhaps transitions in your personal life are greatly affecting your professional performance. A personalized coaching program will help you build the strong, vibrant relationships you most want.

 I am here to help you begin…again.

Maren Beckman, MA, CPCC
Life Transitions & Professional Coach

Everyone is guaranteed some measure of pain in their lifespan. What each person makes of that pain determines whether they will see themselves through to happiness or suffer the pain. It is not so much the circumstances they are in that adds to, or takes away from, their happiness, rather it is the ‘inside attitudes, beliefs, and interpretation’ of the circumstances. continue reading

Sarah (not her real name) was first elated, and then deeply hurt when her daughter called with the news. Sarah’s first grandchild was just born. Sarah’s daughter, the mother of the newborn, asked that Sarah not come to the hospital until the following day as “it would be awkward.” Sarah’s former husband and his new wife were there, visiting the new baby.  Sarah experienced a flash of feelings that took her all over the emotional landscape. She was devastated.

Divorce impacts all children, including the adults, though we tend not to give it much thought.

A friend of mine is currently in an emotional struggle about the approaching holiday. With seven months to go until Christmas, it seems quite a ways off for most of us. For my friend, it is painfully close to her heart. continue reading

Children experience transitions when their parents experience transitions. During divorce, the whole family is in a difficult transition. Children are the reluctant recipients of the changes. They have no, or little, say in the matter and yet the transition will have a major impact on their lives. At a time when children most need reassurance, parents are often preoccupied with their own circumstances and are less available to the children than they would like to be.

How children respond to divorce depends on varying factors, continue reading

We all want a relationship of satisfaction and happiness. Here are 5.75 myths which can stir up relationships. If you want to increase happiness, and who doesn’t, be assured that awareness is half distance to the solution. Now that you know, these myths won’t dare show up in your relationship.

1.  Healthy couples do not fight.  When couples say they never fight, chances are, their fights are pleasant, nor safe. An unsafe fight, with blame and accusations and defensiveness, is a conflict in which no one wants to participate.

All relationships have ‘grist for the conflict mill’. Healthy couples grind the ‘stuff’ of the conflict, never tearing down each other. No one likes conflict. Healthy couples respect themselves and their partner enough to take on the conflict.  No matter what the conflict, they hold their partner in deep and positive regard at all times.  continue reading

Fortunately most of us never encounter an Emotional Vampire. For those who live with one, or did and need to co-parent with one, an excellent resouorce is the book Emotional Vampires, by Albert J. Bernstein. 

How do you know if one exists in your life? Ask yourself the following:

• Do you feel perpetually drained around this person?
• Are you confused about what is reality?
• Do you feel you are always to blame? 
• Do you feel badgered and worn down by the other person nearly all the time?

Perhaps you are dealing with an Emotional Vampire. Here are some excellent tips continue reading

For most of us, we are our own worst enemies. Saboteurs are those self limiting thoughts that nag at us and keep us from moving life forward to fulfillment. When saboteurs take over, it seems impossible to find a solution or escape their oppression. They are masters of dead ends and life without possibility.

Saboteurs can be very loud and extremely convincing! Generally, they begin as a form of self preservation. Over time they become more negative and influential as they throw life out of balance. They muscle in and take over executive control. When that happens, expect continue reading

Large doses of certain elements predict a healthy and successful relationship. They are: positive regard, high standards, healthy conflict, balance of power and positive attitudes.

If you are curious about how your relationship measures up, take the following short assessment. How much do these statements describe your relationship? Rank each on a 1 – 10 scale, where 1 does not describe your relationship and 10 accurately describes your relationship.

1. We genuinely appreciate one another, holding each other in the highest regard.
2. We have high standards for each other and do not tolerate hurtful words or behaviors. We both feel completely safe with each other.
3. When we have conflict, we respect each other. We work towards a resolution that satisfies both of us. Conflicts are not recycled in the next fight. No one is right and no one is wrong.
4. We maintain a balance of power.
5. We consistently have positive attitudes.

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On only two days a year, an uncooked egg will balance on end, unsupported. The remaining 363 days, it does not stand on end. Years ago, my children and I would balance eggs on the equinox days. We could see the egg, balanced and upright, yet we could not explain the why behind it. Simply put, things happen energetically and mysteriously to make an egg stand on end each spring and fall equinox.

This phenomenon has a parallel in relationship coaching. As a person restores integrity and steps into a different attitude, their life changes. These changes spill over into their relationships. As people move closer to authentic action, they bring balance to themselves. This spills over into their relationships.

As William James said, life can be altered by altering one’s attitude. Let me share a moment in Shelly’s [not her real name] life which illustrates the powerful effect of a simple change in attitude.

She was aware of how she was not standing up for herself, or for her business. Shelly was long overdue payment for professional services. She was frustrated with a situation of drawn out excuses in place of payment. continue reading

Trapped in the clutches of “stuck,” a couple walked into my office.

Stuck was draining the very life out of a healthy relationship. They came to me to figure out how to move their relationship forward. It had been a year and they were fatigued. Something needed to happen, yet neither knew what was going on, or what to do about it. They were deeply in love and highly committed to each other. Everything about this couple pointed to a healthy, loving relationship, filled with mutual respect and positive regard. 

When their being stuck showed up in the coaching, it was palpable. We hung out in it until it revealed its purpose. Being stuck protected them from making a difficult, yet necessary decision. Once they moved past stuck, an underlying issue surfaced.  Unfortunately, this issue had no middle ground – to have or not have children. Each was in an opposite position on the matter.

It was evident to the couple how being stuck served them. It preserved the relationship and allowed them avoid a very difficult decision – ending their relationship or ending the dream of children.  After a year of standstill, this couple was able to break free of being stuck in only one coaching session. Now they were in a position to discuss difficult matters from a new perspective and take appropriate action.
 
Take the challenge

If you feel stuck in a relationship standstill, here are some questions to breathe life back into your relationship and get it moving forward. Before you go further, know that the standstill serves a purpose. Under it is a deeper concern, which requires you both to step out of your comfort zones and face whatever is hidden behind the stuck.

• Imagine your relationship as a road, with an enormous boulder blocking it. If that boulder were removed, what would lie on the other side? If being stuck was that boulder and it was rolled out of your way, what course would your relationship take?
• Imagine if tomorrow when you wake up, you discover that the challenges keeping you stuck are gone, how might you and your partner be with each other? How might it look? How might you feel? What dreams might you pursue?
• If all fears were removed, what choices would you make regarding your relationship? What would it take to move forward?
   

Recently I heard a story about the behavior of fruit flies.

If trapped in a covered glass jar, the fruit flies grow accustomed to flying just under the lid. When the lid is removed the fruit flies will still fly just under the opening. Bottom line, the fruit flies are free to leave the glass jar and, because they limit their own flight range, they imprison themselves.

I just returned from a good long walk with a friend. It was a bit longer than we anticipated it would be when we first began. As we turned around to go back to our cars, I asked if she needed to get going. Neither of us had any pressing calendar needs for the next couple of hours. So we strolled on a new portion of the path. Two and a half miles later we turned around to head back, for the second time. In all, we walked 7 miles today.

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